“Death . . .


It’s an enchanting feeling –

And a wee bit disconcerting. 

A little eerie, even . . .

Truth be told.

At the beginning, I had no idea what was happening.  It felt like something INSIDE OF ME was almost purring . . . but I AM NOT A CAT ! ! !

It was as if something had been activated – not quite a motor, not quite a fan, but there was something akin to a hum.  A hum that I could not exactly hear – but I COULD FEEL.  A sensation gripped me as it passed through my body.  And it swirled from the center of my form outward.

It did not feel bad.  It felt . . . intriguing.  The feeling was like NOTHING I had ever experienced before.  It felt kind of the way rocket engines turn on – before they THRUST – but much quieter. 

It was a unique thing.  Unusual even.  Very rare.


It also had the interesting effect of making me feel DEEPLY CALM.  As if it was almost sedating me just a tiny, wee bit.  I was awake – and quite aware – but was not engaged in a hyper alert way.  I was simply . . . noticing, even witnessing, something taking place inside of me.

I liked the feeling, truth be told.  I liked the calm and the peace it layered over me, like a snuggly blanket.  The kind you do not actually need because you are not exactly cold – but you stay there, snuggled in it, because the feeling itself is just so delightful.

After some time, the “humming” escalated to a very faint roar – still seemingly coming from inside of me.  And that is when I saw it – A SPARK OF LIGHT appeared before me.  My eyes noticed it and I could see it several inches in front of my face.  Where did it come from, I wondered?

With the appearance of this new phenomenon, the hum – the ‘silent roar’ – began to change ever so slightly.  It seemed to rise and fall in sensation – in sound AND feeling – with my breath!  And now, it seemed to be in tune with my breathing.  I was now fascinated at how I could suddenly impact, or even control, its sound . . . with my breath.


I almost FORGOT about the humming, as I became entranced by THE SPARK OF LIGHT before me.  It was not flashing, but IT WAS . . . changing in its appearance.  It would grow brighter and then soften its glow, but never fade completely away or out of view.  Then it would come back into presence and grow stronger, and then once again fade.

The light had a curious . . . message.  I say ‘message’ because that is exactly how it felt to me.  I felt as if it was there to TELL ME something, or at least to convey to me something.  I could not hear it, though – and had no idea how to actually receive whatever it came to deliver.  I sensed it had an intention to transmit or share something, but could not fathom exactly what its intention was to actually deliver.  It was as if I was in a new land – one that carried a whole new language.  A language I did not know.

So . . . I WAITED.

As I was waiting, I came to realize that what had at first felt like a hum to me, was actually something MORE.  It was almost like a song – A Melody – that held different notes.  They were blended so smoothly together that, in a way, it seemed more like one long tone.

The Song – THE MELODY – began to intensify as I watched THE SPARK of light hovering before my face.  I realized that . . . it felt familiar to me, for some reason.  I felt as if what was playing, the sound emanating from within me as ‘THE HUM’ was somehow – A MELODY or a tone I was familiar with.  Though I had no memory of it – it felt VERY FAMILIAR, as if from a very long time ago.

Suddenly, THE SPARK blinked out of existence and I was startled to have it no longer there before me.  I had enjoyed its company, even without knowing what it was or why it came.  I looked around to see if it might have moved out of my view, but it was nowhere to be found.

And then, something TRULY MAGICAL happened.  I watched as it was slowly floating in the distance – as if it was moving to a new destination.  I saw another LIGHT coming towards me and I was VERY curious about it, because IT WAS REALLY GLOWING!  I could not see what was in the center of it, but I knew it was BIG – much bigger than the little spark I had seen before.

I watched, perplexed, as the little spark that had been keeping me company before, now moved towards the BIGGER LIGHT.  Eventually, the little spark seemed to MERGE – or MELT – into this new big glow coming my way.  I was curious and sat there noticing that suddenly EVERY THING seemed to fade away – except the GLOW coming my way.  When it finally arrived – it stopped right before me!

And I realized it was a person.  A Girl.  A Woman.  And she was ALL AGLOW!

As I watched this woman, her eyes found mine, and something inside me did something . . . uncommon.  To tell you the truth, it’s hard to describe. 

I had never felt anything like it.  A huge rush of warm energy was flowing all through me – as if a warm bath or a warm river of light was moving through my body.  I LOVED THAT FEELING.  It was truly amazing – delicious even!  It was as if every cell of my body was coming alive, as if I was suddenly living in a brand new way.  It was extraordinary – and I LOVED THE WAY I FELT!

Just as I was moving toward THE BIG GLOW, the person put out her hand and I touched it lightly.  And all of a sudden, I SAW THE ORIGINAL SPARK – the small one which had been hovering before my face earlier – and it moved into the center of this BIG GLOW.

And then it happened. 

Catching me unawares, I began to feel as if was growing happier and lighter by the minute!  As I wondered what curious thing was happening to me, I began to feel more and more of me . . . “COMING ALIVE”, so to speak.  It felt as if I was waking from the deepest of slumbers – or even the heaviest of dreams – and was finally able TO REALLY SEE and FEEL my full self

This process went on for a short while, and just as I was beginning to feel as if I could not POSSIBLY feel any happier – something remarkable took place.

And I was forever more changed.


THE BIG GLOW and the human which had seemed to bring it to me – began slowly walking away.  I could see a sparkling trail of light flowing from her outstretched fingers as she touched me gently, as if to say goodbye, and then turned in the other direction.

I watched, completely fascinated, as the woman and THE BIG GLOWING ORB seemed to move in one smooth floating stream of LIGHT.  She – and it – slowly moved away and into the distance beyond.

Some short time later, after watching the receding glowing orb of the woman, I closed my eyes.  And then I opened them IMMEDIATELY – because I realized the humming had stopped.  And I had somehow suddenly changed my view.  I was now a part of THE BIG GLOWING ORB and THE WOMAN – . . . and from there, I was watching ‘the rest of me’ – watching what remained OF ME, where I had PREVIOUSLY BEEN, when this whole event began.

The part of me that had not at first moved INTO THE GLOWING ORB . . . seemed so far away from me, and grew very faint.  The pull to me was not very strong at all – which seemed curious.  And I suddenly realized that MOST of me, MOST OF MY CONSCIOUSNESS, was now HEREin the CENTER OF THE  GLOWING ORB.  And not in the form that had, until that moment, held all of me!

It was a strange and astonishing sensation –

To feel yourself, and to see yourself, moving away.

  Away . . . FROM YOU! 

The curious thing was this:  THE ORIGINAL SPARKLE of light I had seen before my face when this whole astonishing thing began . . . had returned.  Like a familiar friend, I watched as it glowed once again before me.

And then suddenly – I saw it move down and into MY CENTER – the very CENTER OF MY BEING.  I looked down and realized that THE ORIGINAL SPARKLE was now mine!  And I was now HERS (the woman with THE GLOWING ORB)!  I settled in, fascinated with the sparkle of light that was now brightly shining inside of me.  And I was soothed and snuggled by this beautiful glowing light which was somehow now . . . becoming A PART OF ME.

I had no idea what had happened – at least not in depth.  I had no idea who or what THE BIG GLOWING ORB was or meant.  But I did know this:  I had never FELT anything like this before that I could remember.


It felt, to me, like some POWERFUL MAGIC had floated in and settled over me.  I had known something big was coming my way soon – because I knew my life was ending.  I was sick.  My purposes here were complete.  IT WAS TIME.

The strangest thing of all is this:  THIS did NOT feel . . . like death.  Or leaving.  Or ending.

This felt like . . .  BIRTH!

I was  cocooned with rainbows and sparkles,

Quiet snuggles and glowing tender light. 

It was . . . ENCHANTING . . . and more! 

It felt like . . . A NEW BEGINNING

. . . without an ending.